...and on the count of 3 everybody run back to your fantasy

I've been pondering the recent lessons that I have been learning as laid out in the Master of Love. In analyzing them, and really taking on the challenge of living and being with and in LOVE, I am monitoring my thoughts. Like most people I have started many life projects, some I have finished, many I have not. Its the lessons we seem to not do too well in that we learn the most. Personally, 50% of all projects I take on.....fail (or at least that's how it feels). I went from a stellar student, to stellar athlete, to artist, to web designer, to booking agent. All of these things I really poured myself into and wanted to be; and believed I was. The fact that I am almost none of these now, is quite worrisome.

Now don't get me wrong, I was damned good at all those things (I trophies, awards and accolades to prove this), but with them ending in my life I wonder.....did I fail or is it simply showing my growth over time? I hate failure. I hate the word, the feeling, the admission of it....everything, but I find myself wondering.... did I fail? OK, I'll admit, at times I got lazy and didn't pour myself into my work, eventually finding it boring, mundane, or unfulfilled, thus ending my relationship with my occupation. I've come to realize and accept that your occupation doesn't define you; your Actions do. Actions build character. Actions are the result of emotion. Emotion is our body's way of interpreting our Thoughts. And Thoughts are things. They are on a frequency of Attraction. So if we Attract what we want, did I simply stop Attracting those things in my life? Is this part of our inevitable cycle? I often feel bad because I am no longer the things I once were. People usually think that you didn't have the ability to "stick with" something, hence your not good enough. I don't agree. Screw what people think. I did what I did because it brought me joy, fulfillment, happiness, challenge, gratitude and love, not necessarily outward approval.

I started thinking recently: what is it that I want to do? what would make me feel fulfilled? This is going to sound a little odd, but I thought of a mission statement for myself. OK, so I thought of myself as a company and thought of what I would like to offer people out of all the skills I have amassed over my years. Here's what I came up with:

The sole purpose of _________________ Collaborative Consulting is to instruct its clientele to ensure the continuance of business and sustainability in an ever changing environment. To stay current with all technological, social, political, cultural, educational, international, regional, informational, animalistic and human advances. To consult all parties, who are searching, in the realm of spiritual, emotional, physical, psychological and physiological matters. To help bring about a state of peace and collaboration to simply "get things done". Working with communal and one-on-one efforts to collaborate, organize, and plan: events, conferences, parties, etc... Using technological tools (IE social media) to advance the message of the collaborative effort. To bring about peaceful, playful and fun energy to all work with the purpose of completing a task and growing as a human. To work with
friends and go getters to "make things happen." To never forget our roots and to ALWAYS give back. Not only to ourselves, but to others, and to Earth.

Yeah.....I don't know HOW the hell to use that to survive and make money and be successful (in a monetary sense)...but at least I got it out!

Go Gratitude

Last night I did a "Grinds My Gear" blog, so today's blog will be all about Gratitude. You can't let the negativity of life get you! Once you realease it, get back to Gratitude! So now my Top Ten list of what has made me smile this week.

1. Seeing the person I love tomorrow and speding the whole weekend with them and good friends.

2. A woman's powerful Angela Davis-like Afro on the bus this morning

3. A child laughing and playing with her mother

4. Not waiting too long for the bus or train, and having my job open on time

5. The woman in 7-11 spotting me the 2 cents for my tea

6. Finding a dollar outside the 7-11 after I bought my tea

7. Listening and liking all the songs in my MP3 player

8. Realizing that I like Yoga

9. A good night's sleep

10. Feeling good an energetic all day.

Get Gratitude! Now I challenge you to find 10 things you are glad that you saw or happened to you or heard, etc... and release it to the universe. Trust, you'll feel a lot better :)

What Really Grinds My Gears...a week in review

*First off I want to thank my sans Eric Cortes for the inspiration for this blog....as well as the pic...that I "borrowed", lol.*

Even though its ONLY Wednesday, below is a Top Ten list of things that have "Grinded My Gears" this week:

1. The replacement of the washing and drying machines in my building laundry room. Yes the machines are nicer and much more efficent, but its now a $1.65 to wash and dry! a 15 cent increase. This is the 2nd increase in less than a year.....oh and there was no warning or announcement made to the residents....way to go!

2. SEPTA. *sigh* where to I begin?! Trains/buses come when they want (I swear I thought the schedule for the 55 route changed before I realized the bus was just late for a whole week, thus making me late for work, HENCE, an extra hour wait for the R7), the train lines and bus lines don't sink up at all, and to top it off, there might be a strike! Seriously?! Now, there seems to be a needle scare on the Market East Line. I am saving up a down payment for my Jetta as we speak!

3. Co-workers quick to harp on/blame me for my customers shortcomings. Ok, no one's perfect. I'll admit I make mistakes, but I learn from them. But to tease and rag on me EVERYTIME something isn't perfect....get over it and over yourselves.

4. Co-workers/people in general who feel the need to fill silence with ramblings, noises, anecdotes, misplaced laughter, or asinine conversation. Silence is Golden.

5. No more Conan O'Brien on Late Night. I thought he was taking over for Leno? Yet Leno still comes on at 11:30pm <---confused :(

6. Twitter moving slow @ work. What's the deal?!

7. People who can't take no for an answer

8. Spring weather. Yes, I am grateful to be relieved of 20 degree temperatures, with ice on the ground and biting winds, but when they turn the heat down in anticipation of Spring it might as well be 20 degrees out! My apt is no longer the steamy oasis it used to be :(

9. American Idol. People still watch this show?! I'll give $10 to someone who can find me a decent show to watch Wednesday nights at 9pm because there is nothing on!

10. Last but not least....being bored at work. I swear sometimes I can finish a week's worth of work in 4 hours but I am mandated to a desk for 9hrs a day (they say we get 1hr for lunch, but when you work through it everyday....I think they should just pay you for the 9 and give a 3 day weekend....I'm just saying). Thank goodness I have my peeps to get me through the day!

.....And that's what really Grinds My Gears.

Fear of Success?

I picked up The Mastery of Love this weekend, the second book by Don Miguel Ruiz (one of my favorite authors), and of course I am intellectually devouring it. It re-introduced me to the idea of mitote or Dream World as described by the ancient Toltecs. Ok, I have a confession, every once in a while if get engrossed in the ideologies of free thinking. In which I examine the mysteries of life through books, videos, quotes, yoga and other various things. The basic explanation of the mitote is the Dream reality we have all created for ourselves. Basically what we perceive as real is nothing more than what our minds have dreamed up...we make our own reality. That sounds pretty harsh sometimes when I think about. I try not to think about or focus on the lack in my life because let's face it, the more we focus on is the more of what we get. So, if we create our own realities in this collective Dream state, why do certain things matter? Why do we fear things?

First off, I hate the word "fear". I don't believe in it because really there is no such thing. Fear is what we give the name to an emotion that makes us doubt ourselves. We should never do this. When you break it down, it makes no sense! How can you "fear" something you have created? You can't. You know what "it" is, what you want, etc... you're just doubting your ability (for whatever reason). Herein lies my current (albeit a recurring life theme) situation. I doubt myself constantly, and it makes me wonder if I am failing myself. One of the things that I doubt (replacing the word fear) is success. Crazy to think right?! Yeah success....kind of trippy. I mean we all think we want it (I am going by the standard capitalist definition here); the money, cars, power, ability, control, adoration, privilege. But really think about it. Could you handle it? Everyone loves you when they're winning, but more people HATE you when you're failing. The doubt keeps me at a distance from the possibility of absolute success. Its been this way my whole life. That responsibility is...STRESSFUL! How can this be stressful in a world I create? Simply. Its not just MY world. Its also a world of collective thinkers, a collective Dream. This doesn't mean I can't surround myself with like-minded people...living in a like-minded Dream. I believe this "doubt" is what is standing between me and greatness. But is it just me? What happens when you work, and work, and toil, yet there are little or no results? You get tired. Worn. Stressed.

I believe the answer lies within us and within the Dream itself. If we control our minds, thoughts, and make our own choices, we create our dream. Remove doubt and worry, and control the Dream. Interesting.

The Steak Sandwhich on I-95

What a great weekend! Spent time at one of my favorite chapters in Delaware. They co-sponsored a stroll show and after party with 2 fraternities. I COMPLETELY missed the annual show, but I did attend the afterparty. From what I remember it was great! I saw many people I hadn't seen in literally years, and got to spend the evening showing off my trophy of a gf, lol. I also enjoyed a BANGING steak sandwhich (which would later end up on the side of I-95 in liquid form)! I then proceeded to North Jersey where I spent the rest of the weekend loving her. It was great and much needed.

Work is PAINFULLY slow.....in both areas. No bookings. Minimal appointments. My patience wears thin in general, but to add on to that....not a good combination.

I came across a positive musical group called The Luminaries. They're performing at a Quantum Leap 2012 conference in Cali soon. The concept and reasoning behind the conference is intriguing. I am hoping to add the Luminaries to my aresenal of energy and positivity. Its past midnight now. I need sleep. Let's hope I get it.

NO TIME!!!

I made a commitement to myself this month to take better care of my body and mind and thus far.....I am failing miserably! I find myself trying to stay updated, do work, eat right, do work, excercise, do work, sleep, strategize, read, yoga, do work, make time for my girlfriend, friends, my sorority, do work...AHHHH! Its a little maddening. I seem to feel behind. However, I've pick up The Master Key System and I'm studying it like a diligent student. Things are starting to make sense but I am still tense, worried. not of failure, but of not having enough time! Needing to focus one's energy on being harmonious and in control take a little time to master....needless to say I'll get to it, lol.
Work is changing....for the better. In a few weeks my office will be moving to a new location in Levittown. Its a few miles up the street, but it might as well be in Guam. Good ole SEPTA won't carry me that far, so of course a plan is being concocted to get the month's "highest seller" to the new location. I am grateful to be surrounded by a company that cares as much as this one, and a great atomosphere. Follow them on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/AutoCreditCo
Yeah I handle that site, craigslist, Cars.com and any other marketing. Also working on some press releases and "new buyer packets" so much to do... so little time!

Snowstorms & Yoga

Apparently March has roared in like a lion. I went to bed in the wee hours yesterday to a virtual winter wonderland. As much as I love when the snow falls (its the only natural thing that "falls" from the sky, yet makes no noise), I hate to travel in it. Cold feet, frozen face, wet clothes, SEPTA delays, snotty nose...ugh! So I braved the weather and took the late shift at work. While waiting for my train to come (damn near an hour thanks to the regional rail line), I paroused the Faber Bookstore in Suburban Station (after grabbing the Power Special @ the Enerjuicer, my fav place. Everytime I walk in the stout Latino man behind the counter greets me with a warm smile, salsa blasting through the speaker (today's choice was Marc Anthony), and an AWESOME beverage. The combo for fruit, nuts, yougurt and vitamins keep me alert and wired ALL DAY!! Love it. Today, he finally gave me a "frequent juicer" card, a sure sign that out consumer-merchant relationship had now moved to the next level. I found myself staring at the new releases and N.Y. Times Bestsellers. As usual I scoffed at the "urban" books, and moved on to something that was going to feed my mind and not enhance a stereotype.

My eyes landed on The Brief and Wonderous Life of Oscar Mao by Junot Diaz. I have not been able to put this book down! I am enjoying it immensely. Junot narrates the book so realistically, not sugar coating anything. I think I enjoy the book so much because it reminds me of my favorite book of all time; Maniac McGee by Jerry Spinelli. In both novels, the hero of the story is an intellectual loner who yearns to feel and be normal, dreaming up a grandiose life they will never have. Reminds me a lot of myself. Growing up and now. I also enjoy the fact that Junot is from North Jersey and lives in NYC, so the book mentions, places, things and historical events I am familiar with. I also LOVE that the family is Dominican. I'm a huge lover of all think Puerto Rican...we all know, but now I get a chance to learn more about my beloved platanos, with whom I am always mistaken (I have my dad's mixed heritage, and my mom's random Anglo lineage to thank for my awkward skin tone, and fine yet kinky hair. I swear if I added "pero" strategically in conversation, no one would doubt I wasn't a Latino). Reading 2 books at a time, and starting a new work out regimine will be interesting. I hope my brain and body can keep up with each other!