2013

Happy New Year...we've made it.

I've left this blog unattended for a while, at first by accident, then later, completely on purpose. So many things have happened and lessons learned that it felt wrong to interrupt life's process by trying to document it all. Now that I have some time, I'll try to write down as much as I can.


On Family
I had the pleasure of going home to see my family for Xmas. Xmas is my absolute favorite holiday. I think the pretentiousness and it's bombastic nature are part of what make it awesome, but as a young kid, Xmas time was one of the only times my entire family would come around and we'd all just enjoy each others company. The elders would tell stories, the kids would play and share secrets, and then there was the food....oh my gosh the food! As I've gotten older this hasn't been the case. My family has been steadily shrinking and with the lack of kids around it's just me and middle aged adults. This is not inherently a bad thing, just different and something I'm still getting used to. I spent six days helping my mom cook and clean, eating and drinking her out of house and home, and listening to family members tell stories of holidays past. Those are the things that stick with me, those stories. No matter how many times I hear them I always laugh at the funny parts, and cry a bit inside as we remember those who have passed on.

The day I came back from my trip was Jak's birthday. I didn't have much of an idea of what to do, but she decided she wanted to go out, first to "our" bar, then...who knows! I'd like to think I surprised her with one of her favorite pizzas and balloons (one that proclaimed her as "Mr. Fix-It"). Our sisterfriend Carmin had flew in the night before so I got a double dose of being around people I love. That night was sort of a continuation of my family celebration seeing as how I consider them both family. New Year's Eve brought Raul. He's basically the most important man in my life outside of family. I know he has special connections with many people, but I enjoy ours immensely. The four of us had an insane New Years...in Hawaii. Honestly, such a far cry from a year ago for all of us. I always say I am grateful for my life and that night the feeling seeped into my every pore. That and the alcohol. I've considered some friends as part of my family for sometime now, but this past year just solidified the group for me. I know that people have their roles in your life, and most will always be in and out, but this holiday season surrounded me with some of the people I most needed to be around.

On Friends & Lovers

I've talked about this before and I think it's worth bringing up again. I knew that moving here was going to present an issue with making and keeping new friends. Most people don't stay here long enough to make more than surface friends, and it's difficult to find and make friends past a certain age. Luckily, I'm a pretty friendly person (too friendly according to Jak), always up for a drink and interesting conversation but anything past that has been difficult, and that's ok. In these past nine months I've learn to accept the fact that as far as "real" friends go I may have hit my limit some time ago and everyone I meet from now on may just be surface or short term. I'm also comfortable with the fact that it may just be "me" from here on out. I'm not saying I'm avoiding dating or will never look for a relationship, it's just that something serious isn't on my mind. Would I like someone to wake up to? Sure. Would it be nice to go on a date or meet someone who thinks I'm interesting? Absolutely. Would I like to have a one night stand? It is on my bucket list! I've decided to leave these issues up to the Universe for the most part, but that doesn't mean I won't be taking an active role in the matter. The sheer fact that I know now I can put myself out there and be ok with whatever the result may be, gives me the resolve to attempt things. See, it's not about the end goal, it's all about the attempt, that's more than half the battle. And if it never happens for me...well even more reason to travel the world and experience everything.
For the most part I hope that even the "surface" friendships I make will be beneficial ones and with really awesome people. Slowly but steadily that seems to be where it's headed but who can say for sure. I don't regret any of the time I've spent with anyone here, but I have learned to be a bit more selfish and say "no thank you" to an offer if I don't want to do.

Right before the New Year Jak, Carmin and I took a sunrise hike to Lanikai. I love moments when I can look out on nature and see it stretching to the ends of the Earth and feel like I'm the only thing to exist in that moment. The reflection was good for me and that's how I know I'll be ok.

                                                

    

Rainbows means everything is ok



On Experiences
There's so much to do here. Part of me wants to do it all as soon as possible, then another part of me wants to enjoy every last drop of every experience. I've kept my pledge to be and stay active (minus those two weeks for house guests and visiting family) and look forward to all adventures no matter how grand or small. What I enjoy best are those random days where you end up wandering around with a random group of friends and life just happens. But I can't deny I enjoy pushing my limits and exploring the beauty of this island. This year I'd like to have more personal experiences with  people that I find interesting, nature will always be there.

Epic Nights

There comes a point in just about every day, where I wake from my daydreaming stupor and say, "holy shit! I live in fucking paradise!" Yes, I know these revelations must seem annoying to you (my 1 dear reader), and you're probably all like "Jas, stop rubbing salt in the wound already!" But its ironic how so easy it is to take things for granted.
Not that I typically want to be in the business of looking a gift horse in the mouth, but some days here are harder than others. After all I'm still doing all the same things as most people: going to work, making grocery lists, paying bills, making budgets, you know the sucky parts of life we all escape by going to happy hour a few times a week. Last week I had my first ever taste of homesickness. Its weird because I'm not one to get homesick. Even as a kid, when my mom would send me to Louisiana during the summers, or camp, I was always waving cheerfully goodbye as she choked back tears. Don't know what did it really, but I started to miss my friends, my cat, randomly walking through Philly, chilling at my favorite spots. But as usual the Universe is always on time.
Had one of the best days here since the move, and the fact that it was First Friday made it even better. I got a wealth of intellectual stimulation, and had a blast being a goofy twenty-something, all while meeting and hanging out with the most fascinating people I've ever met. I don't know what it is about this place that makes me feel so free to just let go, but I feel so relaxed here when I'm out and about. This city seems to be undergoing an artistic and creative renaissance and luckily I get front row seats. Maybe we've all been drawn here by the cosmic forces to create one magical orgy; a peace and love movement. Whatever the case, I just keep hoping that I'll continue to have epic nights.

Let's Go on a Hike

I went on my first hike this weekend! I love the outdoors and nature (even if it doesn't love me back sometimes), and I love to wander around looking at all the cool nature stuff, so hiking is the perfect fit. I set my sights very high when it comes to physical things, which often gets me in trouble because I forget that I don't have the stamina for these things. I want to climb Diamond Head which is basically the most famous hike on Oahu near Waikiki. But my more levelheaded and realistic roommate suggested a beginner's trail in Hau'ula. The trail takes you up about 700ft and over looks a gulch and beach scenery on the windward side. I learned a lot on the hike. Mainly, that mountainous inclines are very tough, and knock all the wind out of me. But besides that, I learned to be very trusting of the Earth and its inhabitants. The views were so worth it and reminded me why I need to live this life right now. Can't wait to build up to Diamond Head and beyond!

 Its important to be safe

 The roomie and I

 Foilage

 Greenery

 Panoramics of the summit

 Panoramic of the forest-like feel of the descent

 looking up

Learning Lessons

Last week a couple of awesome friends came halfway across the world to visit Jak (my roommate) and I. It was beyond awesome. Having them here for 5 days kinda felt like I never left Philly, and reminded me that I really miss my friends and some aspects of my life there, but chilling out here and just doing our thing was a million times better than anything Philly could offer.
After they left for the second leg of their vacation, it was back to just me my roomie, and the randomness that has become our everyday lives. I've talked to a couple friends and had each one ask, "are you happy there?"
Part of the reason for me leaving Philly was that I felt very unfulfilled in many aspects of my life. I felt stuck. But am I now "happy"? Has my life done a 180 in about two and a half months? Its a loaded question.
There are things about me that are "changing" I guess you could say, but these are things I've always aspired to do, its just that now I'm not giving into excuses. I've shed a lot of the material things and I'm taking this vagabond life seriously. One thing that's happened that I'm ever grateful for is the reduced noise in my head.
I'm a chronic thinker, its quite an annoying condition. Its very hard for me to turn my mind off and be open to things, but here...its like my mind knows to be quite. No job stressing, no stressing about weekend plans, no CUS stress, just me and the things I've always wanted to do to better myself, and yes the constant sunshine and perfect weather do help.
I don't know if I'm "happy". The more I stick around on this planet, the more I begin to feel that the word "happy" is much like the word "love", highly overused yet rarely and truly experienced. I'm still growing and becoming the person I've always wanted to be, and accepting the fact that it may not have been what I envisioned as a teenager. I'm becoming who I was meant to be. Its as if the Universe is telling me to listen and slow down, stop worrying and fix your chronic thinking problem because in the grand scheme of life nothing's permanent and problems are only teaching tools. Listen and Learn.

2 weeks in Paradise

...and officially one week since my roomie and I signed a lease for a cozy cottage in Honolulu, HI! Like I said in my previous post, I'm letting time do what it does. While we've explored our neighborhood a bit, mainly from the gazillion trips to Wal Mart, Sam's Club, Safeway, Foodland & KMart, there is so much more to see. We did find the chillest neighborhood dive bar with the strangest name (8 Fat Fat 8), that has daily specials, pool, darts, karaoke and judging by the orders that were coming from the kitchen, a kick ass pupus (that's what they call appetizers here) menu. The staff was super friendly (everyone is here) and the tab was VERY reasonable. We also found a Latin American grocery store that sells all the essentials needed to cook the staple homemade dishes we both miss from back home (I thought Jak was going to cream her pants when she saw that bottle of Adobo).
There's also a huge Goodwill up the street and around the corner that I'll definitely be shopping at for clothing and other household items. We did get some kitchenware to replace some of the items that broke from being shipped from the mainland. It was all good though because we cleaned up for less than $20. I really can't wait until we both have jobs so we can explore our surrounding neighborhood thoroughly (especially the restaurants). We have visitors coming later this month, so hopefully that will give us an excuse to make some trips to the North Shore and Waikiki.

This truly is paradise.

Timing

Its seems that the old adage "time is everything" applies to literally every situation. Some days time works completely in your favor, and others it frustrates the heck out of you. While I am ever grateful for the progression of this journey, sometimes the feeling of helplessness breaks way to waning patience. I know that not everything happens all at once, but I wish that they happened a little faster. Its life's little frustrations that irk me the most. Recently, I've been learning to let it all go, don't get wrapped up in situations that you have NO control over, things will work themselves out.
It may come as a shock, but sometimes I'm not as bad ass as I like to appear. I worry. I wring my hands with the fear that something might go wrong, they call it the "what ifs". Part of the reason for this journey was to change. This is my ashram in India, or "seven years in Tibet" to sort it all out; reach nirvana with my self and become my own salvation. Before it was so easy to start and stop this transformation because let's face it, its not easy. But with picture perfect blue skies, warm sun, and an aura of calm and ease surrounding you everyday it makes it tough to want to run away from your inner barriers. How can I stay mad when I'm rewarded everyday with God's beauty? I can't.

So, for now as I continue to unfurl into a more peaceful human being in every aspect, I'll let time do what it does: move on. Things will happen as they're supposed to, and I chose not to rush that process.