Lately, I've adopted the term "not a good look" to refer to a variety of things in my life that I witnessed, or have experienced that don't make a great impression. For example, telling your boss you were on Prozac, jacking up cell phone taxes on your customers while they are stuck in a contract, or waiting hours for a bus or train, only to discover that the schedule has changed on you. All these things...are not a good look.
However, there is one arena in which not having a good look can be detrimental to your health...I am talking about relationships. A friend of mine def twittered:
"I wonder if I am on a date?" today, and it made me think about all the so called "romantic relationships" that I witness on a daily basis. And trust me, there are A LOT of people out there doing/saying things that aren't a good look. So I give to you the 2
most confusing categories of romantic relationships, and breaking down what is and is not a good look. Enjoy!
The "Jump Off"/Fuckbuddy/Booty Call/Side piece. etc...-Back in the day having one of these individuals was damn near a necessity for those "in between" phases. You're not ready for a relationship, but don't want to get stuck with the bill of taking someone out, so you call on that trusty "friend" who is down to "get it in". The individuals in this pairing are strictly in it for the carnal pleasure. This person shall and will NEVER, hangout with any of your REAL friends, or family members. They are strictly for sex. You should never be seen together in public in any sort of pairing. Randomly bumping into them in a club, party, community event or mutual "friend" setting is fine, but neither party should/will let on to the inner workings of the "relationship". Recently, I have seen people trying to turn their "Jump Off" into a dating situation or make it more than what it actually is. When you try to do this with a fuckbuddy, it gets too messy and goes down hill. There should NEVER be any exclusivity between the two. When there is, it becomes a "dating" situation. Personally, when I have a fuckbuddy things happen behind closed doors. Sure, everyone talks or maybe even brags about the conquest, but I would never invite them to a party with my friends so "we" can chill and be seen! That defeats the purpose.
Dating/Talking to:
-Dating. I love it. I am a HUGE fan of dating. In this situation you're actually trying to learn more about someone, you actually care about what happens to them (to some extent) when they leave your bed. Hell you may even be contemplating a relationship. Now, dating DOES NOT, I repeat
DOES NOT mean you are
WITH this person. Its a courtship. You're learning, building a friendship on top of the "fucking" per se. Nothing too deep because 9 times out of 10, it just ends; but its fun. Its like going to the amusement park. You get the perfect outfit to wear to the park, plan the rides you're going to go on, get your budget in order, and enjoy that day to the fullest. The day comes to an end and you're pleased with your experience, but its not something you do all the time. Dating is meant to be fun! You take this person around your friends, are seen together in coupling instances (not anything serious: IE-you meet up at a party and dance together for a bit, but you still maintain your own separate lives) sometimes,and add an element of exclusivity. You know there is exclusivity when you begin to limit each other on what is acceptable behavior for what you do with other people, but every dating pair has their own rules. I once dated a person with no exclusivity.
"Weren't they just a jump off then?"
No, they weren't. We just decided we weren't going to limit each other, part of this was distance, but the main reason was, we weren't taking the dating too seriously. It was fun.
Now its not a good look when you're dating to not be honest. Don't tell this person "you're the only one I am seeing" when they're not. 9 times out of 10, if its just dating, the other person will be seeing someone else too, or they won't stress it. Sure the 2 of you are emotionally invested, but they are not totally exclusive to YOU. People tend to forget that. Its the basic difference between a real relationship and dating.
Its also not a good look when you bring your booty call around your friends, or are seen in public with them (outside of the 2am Chinese food store run b/c they have to drive back home after a long session at your place, and missed out on dinner).
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! You cannot give the jump off any impression that they are more than that.
Don't confuse the jump off either.
STORY TIME: I went on a "Smashing Trip" with a couple friends (
Smashing Trip: a few friends plan a covert rendezvous with their jump offs, for the sole purpose of smashing the whole trip). The mountains, a house full of liquor, a hot tub, large beds, and nothing around for miles except a small strip mall with the basic necessities. Everybody on that trip knew the deal. Sure we had fun, chilled, but that was not the point, the point was SEX! Punto Final! If it was a real romantic thing, there would've been pics, we would have told people...you get the point.
Please let your jump off know from the "jump" what the deal is, and don't confuse them with action or emotion because there is nothing a jump off likes more than to become emotionally invested! Then they think they can move up the relationship ladder, but we all know you can't turn a hoe into a housewife! Not a good look. If you decide that you want to take that next step with your jump off, and have them move up that ladder...take time off. Get away, then approach them later on a different tip. You already had the cake, but do you really want to learn how its made?
I hope breaking down these categories helped clear up some misconceptions and hopefully answered some questions. I would LOVE some feedback! I'll be sure to address it in future posts! Thanks for reading :)
