January 14, 2013


Happy New Year...we've made it.

I've left this blog unattended for a while, at first by accident, then later, completely on purpose. So many things have happened and lessons learned that it felt wrong to interrupt life's process by trying to document it all. Now that I have some time, I'll try to write down as much as I can.

On Family
I had the pleasure of going home to see my family for Xmas. Xmas is my absolute favorite holiday. I think the pretentiousness and it's bombastic nature are part of what make it awesome, but as a young kid, Xmas time was one of the only times my entire family would come around and we'd all just enjoy each others company. The elders would tell stories, the kids would play and share secrets, and then there was the food....oh my gosh the food! As I've gotten older this hasn't been the case. My family has been steadily shrinking and with the lack of kids around it's just me and middle aged adults. This is not inherently a bad thing, just different and something I'm still getting used to. I spent six days helping my mom cook and clean, eating and drinking her out of house and home, and listening to family members tell stories of holidays past. Those are the things that stick with me, those stories. No matter how many times I hear them I always laugh at the funny parts, and cry a bit inside as we remember those who have passed on.

The day I came back from my trip was Jak's birthday. I didn't have much of an idea of what to do, but she decided she wanted to go out, first to "our" bar, then...who knows! I'd like to think I surprised her with one of her favorite pizzas and balloons (one that proclaimed her as "Mr. Fix-It"). Our sisterfriend Carmin had flew in the night before so I got a double dose of being around people I love. That night was sort of a continuation of my family celebration seeing as how I consider them both family. New Year's Eve brought Raul. He's basically the most important man in my life outside of family. I know he has special connections with many people, but I enjoy ours immensely. The four of us had an insane New Years...in Hawaii. Honestly, such a far cry from a year ago for all of us. I always say I am grateful for my life and that night the feeling seeped into my every pore. That and the alcohol. I've considered some friends as part of my family for sometime now, but this past year just solidified the group for me. I know that people have their roles in your life, and most will always be in and out, but this holiday season surrounded me with some of the people I most needed to be around.

On Friends & Lovers

I've talked about this before and I think it's worth bringing up again. I knew that moving here was going to present an issue with making and keeping new friends. Most people don't stay here long enough to make more than surface friends, and it's difficult to find and make friends past a certain age. Luckily, I'm a pretty friendly person (too friendly according to Jak), always up for a drink and interesting conversation but anything past that has been difficult, and that's ok. In these past nine months I've learn to accept the fact that as far as "real" friends go I may have hit my limit some time ago and everyone I meet from now on may just be surface or short term. I'm also comfortable with the fact that it may just be "me" from here on out. I'm not saying I'm avoiding dating or will never look for a relationship, it's just that something serious isn't on my mind. Would I like someone to wake up to? Sure. Would it be nice to go on a date or meet someone who thinks I'm interesting? Absolutely. Would I like to have a one night stand? It is on my bucket list! I've decided to leave these issues up to the Universe for the most part, but that doesn't mean I won't be taking an active role in the matter. The sheer fact that I know now I can put myself out there and be ok with whatever the result may be, gives me the resolve to attempt things. See, it's not about the end goal, it's all about the attempt, that's more than half the battle. And if it never happens for me...well even more reason to travel the world and experience everything.
For the most part I hope that even the "surface" friendships I make will be beneficial ones and with really awesome people. Slowly but steadily that seems to be where it's headed but who can say for sure. I don't regret any of the time I've spent with anyone here, but I have learned to be a bit more selfish and say "no thank you" to an offer if I don't want to do.

Right before the New Year Jak, Carmin and I took a sunrise hike to Lanikai. I love moments when I can look out on nature and see it stretching to the ends of the Earth and feel like I'm the only thing to exist in that moment. The reflection was good for me and that's how I know I'll be ok.


Rainbows means everything is ok

On Experiences
There's so much to do here. Part of me wants to do it all as soon as possible, then another part of me wants to enjoy every last drop of every experience. I've kept my pledge to be and stay active (minus those two weeks for house guests and visiting family) and look forward to all adventures no matter how grand or small. What I enjoy best are those random days where you end up wandering around with a random group of friends and life just happens. But I can't deny I enjoy pushing my limits and exploring the beauty of this island. This year I'd like to have more personal experiences with  people that I find interesting, nature will always be there.

November 13, 2012

2 Months+

Wow, its been well over 2 months since I've written something...sorry about that. So much has happened, yet I feel like not much has all at once. I have no idea where to start so this will be a hodgepodge of what my feeble brain can remember from the past six weeks or so.

I've turned another year older, (kind of) got a promotion at work, survived a tsunami warning while my friends and family survived a hurricane AND Nor'easter (back to back), [slightly] ran a 5k and made new friends.

I've learned somethings about myself; some I've taken in stride and some I can't believe. I think sometimes I'm a bit too self aware as a result becoming more and more shy. Its funny because in a room full of people I'm liable to say or do something crazy stupid for a laugh. It makes it easier for me to play the role of "that" person than to actually be myself out of the fear that I may just be a bit too odd to like. Sadly, this has not improved my flirting skills or made me more adept at delivering panty soaking one liners to girls I find attractive. I think those days may never come for me.

I've also lost my competitive edge. I realized I haven't cared about being competitive at anything in a long while. How/When did I lose this edge?! Its as if healthy competition means very little to me that I give up before I even try. I've tried to justify this as me "knowing my limits" but now I'm not too sure. I don't want to go through the rest of my life conceding things to others, I don't want to be THAT person that says "we're just here to have fun". Jeez, what's happened to that part of me?! I'm hoping that I'll get out of this phase soon because it's just not ok.

I've realized that you can only be responsible for how much you give in any relationship and that people will fall short of your expectations, even if those expectations are low to begin with. As much as I've accepted this fact it still doesn't stop it from being annoying. At this point in my life I consider myself pretty open, no subject is taboo when trying to build a connection with someone...but where to start?

It scares me sometimes that I'm the smartest person in the room. Not saying this to be a braggart, and yes I am fully aware that at times I come off as a fucking know-it-all and its annoying to me too (moreso when I'm wrong about something), but sometimes I just can't help it. Sometimes I think its a Libra thing. We think we're just sharing information, but we're coming off as pretentious pricks. I promise I will try and curb this behavior, but damn if it isn't hard when you want to have a random conversation about string theory with someone or discuss the political histories of third world countries and they have NO CLUE what you're talking about. More people need to read books.

I still hate running. I've made it to a sub 10min mile, and can run about a mile and a half without stopping. This doesn't mean I enjoy it, yet for some reason I might be signing up for another 5k in February.

I miss the Fall, but I'm looking forward to going home for a bit. The older I get the more awesome my convos with my mom become, can't wait to have some of those in person...and when we're both a bottle of wine in.

I'm lucky that my roommate and I are friendly fuckers. We meet the most interesting people (have you met a Vietnamese-Australian couple this year, who are traveling the globe before they get married? No? Ok.) and have the most interesting convos. Can't wait to see where these connections lead, lol.

I keep promising myself I'm going to write more. But what to write, I can barely keep up with this blog! Ah well, I'm sure I'll figure it out, who knows I may just write something worth reading someday, until then here are some pics of the events that have occurred since I updated this. Enjoy!

 My first 5k The Color Run was pretty awesome!

 Me as a zombie banana for Halloween. Yes it was a hit, lol.

The guys & I celebrating my birthday at my fave bar, it was memorable...from what I remember, lol

 One of my last beach days before I got my newest tattoo, I'll blog about that later

 Hiking to a waterfall

Lanikai Beach, one of the most beautiful beaches in the world

August 24, 2012

So Familiar Yet...So Different

I really like my job.

That is a bold statement to make, moreseo if you're me. Since graduating college I've developed the innate ability to pick the shittiest jobs. Shit jobs in just about every way: pay, people, bosses, tasks, etc... its odd to me though, at times I look back on certain ones and miss aspects of them. I worked in a bakery for a couple years right after graduation which was fun, but when the sincere reality of working poverty sets in, things that were once perks just become annoyances. I have to say though, the bakery was by far the best one I had until recently.
Persistence became my bff in pursuing my current position (mainly out of fear that I would run completely out of $$ before I found a job), and after many meetings I came on board with a vision of where I could take the position and how I could be an asset to the company. Previously, those were just buzz words I'd use on my resume but now they really mean something. Its always a good thing when you have a positive go-getter manager who appreciates you, pushes you and most of all trusts you with your position. Its very similar to the position I left...without all the drama, broken promises, double talk and sheer frustration. I guess this is what it feels like for those people that say they like their job. Usually I teeter with the a job being just a job and enjoyment of it not being a factor, but this time around I'm choosing to enjoy the bejeesus out of it.