I've left this blog unattended for a while, at first by accident, then later, completely on purpose. So many things have happened and lessons learned that it felt wrong to interrupt life's process by trying to document it all. Now that I have some time, I'll try to write down as much as I can.
I had the pleasure of going home to see my family for Xmas. Xmas is my absolute favorite holiday. I think the pretentiousness and it's bombastic nature are part of what make it awesome, but as a young kid, Xmas time was one of the only times my entire family would come around and we'd all just enjoy each others company. The elders would tell stories, the kids would play and share secrets, and then there was the food....oh my gosh the food! As I've gotten older this hasn't been the case. My family has been steadily shrinking and with the lack of kids around it's just me and middle aged adults. This is not inherently a bad thing, just different and something I'm still getting used to. I spent six days helping my mom cook and clean, eating and drinking her out of house and home, and listening to family members tell stories of holidays past. Those are the things that stick with me, those stories. No matter how many times I hear them I always laugh at the funny parts, and cry a bit inside as we remember those who have passed on.
The day I came back from my trip was Jak's birthday. I didn't have much of an idea of what to do, but she decided she wanted to go out, first to "our" bar, then...who knows! I'd like to think I surprised her with one of her favorite pizzas and balloons (one that proclaimed her as "Mr. Fix-It"). Our sisterfriend Carmin had flew in the night before so I got a double dose of being around people I love. That night was sort of a continuation of my family celebration seeing as how I consider them both family. New Year's Eve brought Raul. He's basically the most important man in my life outside of family. I know he has special connections with many people, but I enjoy ours immensely. The four of us had an insane New Years...in Hawaii. Honestly, such a far cry from a year ago for all of us. I always say I am grateful for my life and that night the feeling seeped into my every pore. That and the alcohol. I've considered some friends as part of my family for sometime now, but this past year just solidified the group for me. I know that people have their roles in your life, and most will always be in and out, but this holiday season surrounded me with some of the people I most needed to be around.
On Friends & Lovers
I've talked about this before and I think it's worth bringing up again. I knew that moving here was going to present an issue with making and keeping new friends. Most people don't stay here long enough to make more than surface friends, and it's difficult to find and make friends past a certain age. Luckily, I'm a pretty friendly person (too friendly according to Jak), always up for a drink and interesting conversation but anything past that has been difficult, and that's ok. In these past nine months I've learn to accept the fact that as far as "real" friends go I may have hit my limit some time ago and everyone I meet from now on may just be surface or short term. I'm also comfortable with the fact that it may just be "me" from here on out. I'm not saying I'm avoiding dating or will never look for a relationship, it's just that something serious isn't on my mind. Would I like someone to wake up to? Sure. Would it be nice to go on a date or meet someone who thinks I'm interesting? Absolutely. Would I like to have a one night stand? It is on my bucket list! I've decided to leave these issues up to the Universe for the most part, but that doesn't mean I won't be taking an active role in the matter. The sheer fact that I know now I can put myself out there and be ok with whatever the result may be, gives me the resolve to attempt things. See, it's not about the end goal, it's all about the attempt, that's more than half the battle. And if it never happens for me...well even more reason to travel the world and experience everything.
For the most part I hope that even the "surface" friendships I make will be beneficial ones and with really awesome people. Slowly but steadily that seems to be where it's headed but who can say for sure. I don't regret any of the time I've spent with anyone here, but I have learned to be a bit more selfish and say "no thank you" to an offer if I don't want to do.
Right before the New Year Jak, Carmin and I took a sunrise hike to Lanikai. I love moments when I can look out on nature and see it stretching to the ends of the Earth and feel like I'm the only thing to exist in that moment. The reflection was good for me and that's how I know I'll be ok.
There's so much to do here. Part of me wants to do it all as soon as possible, then another part of me wants to enjoy every last drop of every experience. I've kept my pledge to be and stay active (minus those two weeks for house guests and visiting family) and look forward to all adventures no matter how grand or small. What I enjoy best are those random days where you end up wandering around with a random group of friends and life just happens. But I can't deny I enjoy pushing my limits and exploring the beauty of this island. This year I'd like to have more personal experiences with people that I find interesting, nature will always be there.