Timing

Its seems that the old adage "time is everything" applies to literally every situation. Some days time works completely in your favor, and others it frustrates the heck out of you. While I am ever grateful for the progression of this journey, sometimes the feeling of helplessness breaks way to waning patience. I know that not everything happens all at once, but I wish that they happened a little faster. Its life's little frustrations that irk me the most. Recently, I've been learning to let it all go, don't get wrapped up in situations that you have NO control over, things will work themselves out.
It may come as a shock, but sometimes I'm not as bad ass as I like to appear. I worry. I wring my hands with the fear that something might go wrong, they call it the "what ifs". Part of the reason for this journey was to change. This is my ashram in India, or "seven years in Tibet" to sort it all out; reach nirvana with my self and become my own salvation. Before it was so easy to start and stop this transformation because let's face it, its not easy. But with picture perfect blue skies, warm sun, and an aura of calm and ease surrounding you everyday it makes it tough to want to run away from your inner barriers. How can I stay mad when I'm rewarded everyday with God's beauty? I can't.

So, for now as I continue to unfurl into a more peaceful human being in every aspect, I'll let time do what it does: move on. Things will happen as they're supposed to, and I chose not to rush that process.

Traditions

Throughout my young life I've grown accustomed to celebrating traditions with my friends and family. I'm not just talking about holidays, birthdays or other annual special events. I mean those small random, off-the-cuff things that make a mundane existence bearable. Last night I came to the realization that, in some odd way, I no longer have any of those traditions at my disposal. No getting adult milkshakes on payday, no trying out a new bar before the hipsters claim it, no dinner parties, no random sleepovers....nothing.
I know that this plan to "change" has been in place for quite a while, but sometimes things just don't hit you when they should; reality doesn't set it. Well, now reality is slapping me in the face. When you have that sudden "I want to go home" feeling and realize that you don't quite have a home [yet] is a disheartening feeling to say the least. I've never been much of a long term planner, so feeling that I should I be in control of every single move ahead of me is difficult. I know it probably comes off as I don't care, can't think for myself, or dare I say it a bit "slow", but I've only had to think of just myself for so long that thinking for 2 proves difficult and out of place.
I usually put the needs of others before myself because hey, if my friends and family are happy then I'm happy. It takes very little to make me content.
Thus far, this trip has taught me that my tradition of leadership might be in for a BIG change. I don't know what that is, but I can assure you its a lot different from what I'm used to. Not saying this is a BAD thing, just an adjustment. Did I expect this to be easy? No. Did I expect reality to sucker punch me in the face last night as I crossed the California border? No. Am I slightly losing my mind because I feel like I have less control over things than normal? Hell YES!
But if I've learned anything in life, its to be optimistic and resilient. Everyday I look straight into the face of God as I stare in awe at the beauty of the Earth, and somehow that's comfort enough. That's a personal tradition I've kept. To always look out into the vastness of the Universe because the Universe will always take care of you.

The 2012

Its hard to know where to begin this blog, but just know that its timing is purposeful. I guess a good place to start any story is at the beginning, Well, if you've every browsed through this blog you that I constantly struggle to find a harmonic balance in my life ( I am a Libra after all). Once you've past your mid-twenties and you aren't married, have kids, or working on that 2nd or 3rd degree you can feel a bit stagnant. To say that I felt stagnant is an understatement. I've been wanting a drastic change in my life for quite sometime, but never seemed to get it together to do so, until mid-2011. After months of getting my things together, researching, saving money, and finally saying goodbye to loved ones, I hit the road.
As I type this, I sit in the state of Arizona less than 2 hours away from tomorrow's adventure: The Grand Canyon. For the past week and a couple days I've been driving across these United States with a very close friend of mine simply because we can. Hitting that plateau does something to a young psyche, and usually drastic scary change is the only way to get out of the rut.
The culmination of this trip ends with a permanent move to an island in the Pacific (romantic, I know) and in a sense I still don't know how to feel. The whole experience has seemed very out of body, yet awesome at the same time. I guess that has a lot to do with the fact that I placed NO expectations on anything. If one night ends with a 3am rave, and another ends with eating Butterfingers in a hotel room at 8:00pm on a Saturday, so be it. I just want to be in the world, experience life as it comes. I've seen so much already and I can't wait to see more.
I feel overwhelmed with it all, but in a very zen way (if that even makes sense). So much has and hasn't happened all at the same time, and I don't know if I can eloquently write how I feel about it. Of course all the typical worry wort things cross my mind, and I have been keeping more to myself, but I think its my way of analyzing everything, or maybe it's a part of growing up.